gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
