Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
