We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
