If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
