okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
