she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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