Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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