A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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