i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
