getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
