I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
