Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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