What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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