He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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