I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
