I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
