____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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