Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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