I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
