My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
