I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
