god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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