That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
