I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
