The maid of honor just puked.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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