Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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