do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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