If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
