he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
