yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The best revenge is premature balding
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
