nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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