i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
