I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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