you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
