Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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