it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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