Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
