Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize