He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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