You're my little dorito
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
