Jerry, you need to find god
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
