I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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