she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
