what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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