i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
