If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
