you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
