Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
