So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
