I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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