It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
