I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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