It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
