So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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