tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I could fuck to npr.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
