whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
