The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
