they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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