No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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