she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize