I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
