she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
