Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
