Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
