Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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