next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
